I wouldn't read this review if you really enjoyed Age of Ultron fyi. I had heard a lot of not so good feedback about this movie. So much so that I probably would have waited until it came out on video to watch it, but I figured it would be fun to see the fight scenes in 4D. So I went in with the lowest of expectations, but they really weren't low enough. This movie was really boring. So much so that if it had been a fanfic, I'd have clicked off and possibly left a review about how ooc everyone was.

So, the things I liked: Thor and Steve have obviously bonded and worked out together. Thor considers Steve an equal and the fact that they'd worked out fun things to do with their respective weapons combined was adorable. I also liked seeing the Falcon and Warmachine. The world needs more of Sam and Rhodey. Uhm. Vision was okay but I don't want to get too attached to him since I'm 100% certain that Thanos will be ripping that gem from his forehead a few movies from now, though I suppose if Whedon is no longer involved, he has a higher chance of surviving it. Uh, I liked that they tried to save civilians near the end, though Tony could have made a lot more effort to get the Hulk out of that city earlier in the movie.
And finally, the 4D made the fight scenes fun to watch at least, though cold. They blew cold air over us when they were in the snow and whenever they were up in the air. Brrr. I did like the mist that rose at the front of the theatre in certain scenes. It really blended in. And their scents were more on point. It was kinda fun to watch parts of Seoul get destroyed, considering I live there atm.

Things I didn't like: The whitewashing of Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver. Hell, the whole idea that they signed up for neo-nazi experiments which apparently killed anyone else who tried. Ugh. It's disgusting. And yes, I know that Magneto is not owned by Marvel but they could have still made the twins Jewish-Romani and had them as prisoners instead. Just as sketchy but less whitewashing and horrible morals on the part of our heroes.

Speaking of horrible morals, Tony and Bruce go insane in this movie and nobody really seems to care. (Because this is comic book canon, creating Vision worked, but there was absolutely no way that they should have decided that creating a second robot guardian was going to end well. *headdesk*) The movie would have made a lot more sense if they blamed the whole creation of Ultron on Wanda in the first place.

It would actually be easier for me to list characters who aren't out of character in this movie. Let's see: Maria Hill, uhm, Rhodey, Thor?
Natasha was so off base, I wasn't sure if I was even watching the same character. Maybe she's a skrull? Tony and Bruce I've already covered. Oh, except for the fact that Tony made a rape joke. That was disgusting. And his non reaction to Jarvis' death was just weird, even if he suspected he was alive. Fury was weirdly sympathetic and understanding. Clint was... well totally not the backstory I think any of us wanted for him. I would have been more on board with it except his wife simply seemed to exist for the purpose of being pregnant and isolated in the middle of nowhere. It was kinda creepy. And then they were used as an excuse for him to bow out of the Avengers. I'm not sure if Whedon paid attention to his own script because he made Falcon out of character himself by first having him say he didn't want to be involved in Avenger stuff, then having him join without any explanation at the end. Steve was just odd. What was with calling everyone by their last name, especially when on missions? Surely their codenames should be used in the field and first names elsewhere? He doesn't call Natasha 'Romanoff' in Winter Soldier. I didn't mind the 'language' slip. I feel like that was some sort of inside joke between him and the howling commandos or with Bucky and Peggy where they scolded each other, then cursed like sailors. His encouraging Bruce at the bar was just awkward.

So what else, the plot was just really boring. I wasn't worried about anyone, even though I knew someone was going to die. Ultron was hard to take seriously and he seemed more concerned about his comedy routine (a poor one) than his actual plan. Whedon kept telling us Ultron was up to something but he sure didn't show us much. Plus, I think people who leave Hydra labs intact for the use of whichever next megalomaniac comes along, deserve what they get.

This was not the snappy dialogue one usually gets from Whedon too. I don't actually remember any lines that stood out.

As a general comment, Thanos is really crappy at delegation and tactics. He knows these gems corrupt people but keeps giving them or their locations out like party favours. How does sacrificing one gem in order to get none make any sense?

So yeah, I think I'm joining the half of the fandom who are ignoring this movie's existence.



Kingsmen:So, I wasn't going to see this movie because the trailer made it look boring and serious. Tumblr assured me it wasn't, so I went to see it with my Mom and bro when they visited me. And while I think it could have been funnier, the entire movie was worth it for that church scene. I was cracking up watching the whole church obliterate each other. Other adorable things were the pug and Eggsy was totally correct not to kill it. That's a pretty stupid test anyway. The other scene that cracked us up was all the exploding heads. It just kept going and going with all the fireworks.

Harry isn't dead. Those glasses are probably rigged to spurt blood and deflect bullets. Also, Valentine didn't even look or aim.

The movie was pretty sexist and racist, but I also feel like that's what you're going to get when you have a service made up of upper crust white men who the movie rather explicitly rejected (since it appears almost everyone was either compromised or had their head explode). Now, if there's a sequel and there's still only one woman in their service and no people of color, then they deserve what they get.



Jupiter Ascending: I watched this two days ago since I missed it while it was in theatres here. I have to say I mostly enjoyed it as the space opera it was, and I will enjoy telling people the story while drunk. "So there's this roller skating on air wolf-soldier, only he doesn't look like a wolf except for pointy ears, and he used to have wings." I think that the Watchkowski's should have taken a page from The Fifth Element and camped it up even more rather than just have Eddie Redmayne turn the dial up to 11.

What let the movie down was how repetitive the plot was. Jupiter gets kidnapped and rescued by wolf guy (whose name I cannot remember since no one seemed to pronounce it the same way) three separate times (not even counting the first two times he keeps her from being killed). And each time it's by a different imperial sibling with a slightly worse scheme. I'll give you one, maybe two triumphant, in the nick of time rescue scenes, but five? The other issue was how they really didn't wrap things up. A scene with Jupiter forbidding everyone from purging planets until she got back and then deciding to live out her life on Earth before officially claiming the throne would have done wonders.
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