life sucks

[deralte]

I am having an awful day. This morning I went searching through my ever growing pile of books to read and discovered that a trilogy my scifi/fantasy loving friend at the hospital lent me, has disappeared. They'd been right out in the open so I'd remember to read them first, but had disappeared from sight while my Dad went about spray painting things and leaving them to dry in the front room (which is where I leave anything I get from the hospital as a form of quarantine). I thought he had just moved them, but when I asked him I discovered to my horror that he'd thrown out a bunch of books the other day without asking me, despite the fact that the front room is also where I fumigate any old books I buy against bed bugs. There were books out there to be thrown away, but they were all in a box on top of the tool cabinet. I know it's not the end of the world if he did throw them away (he says he probably did, but is looking for them now), but it'll cost me money and time to get them back, not to mention make me look like a bit of an idiot in front of my friend. I'm also confused as to how he could ever have confused a book with aliens on it for one of the historical christian novels which I'd put in the throw away box.

On that upsetting note, I went to Korean class. We'd been told that half the class failed the ch 2 vocab quiz (I got three wrong myself, which on a 10 point quiz is awful... and the reason why is because she was crazy and taught a grammar point the quiz was on, right before she gave the quiz which meant that we had to use a new grammar point *and* remember the 47 words that were on the quiz and you lost all points for just mispelling a word, even if you got the grammar correct). Anyway, since she was so appalled, she offered us a second vocab quiz which I expected would be easier so we didn't all fail again (and her vocab quizzes are usually multiple choice and fill in the blanks). Lo and behold, it was one of the hardest quizzes she'd given so far (and I got a fucking 92 on the first lesson test so it's not like I'm not learning the language here). We had to listen to her say the dictionary forms of some of the hardest and easiest verbs and adjectives in the vocab list, then write them, their meaning in English and conjugate them in Korean. I can conjugate fine and I know their meanings, but I can't spell by sound cause everything sounds different when it's pronounced. I've been trying desperately to memorize the spelling of all these adjectives this whole week because I figured they'd be on the lesson test next week, but I expected to have five days of studying them over and over, not be asked to recall them today. I've been studying for hours each day, so it's awful to get a worse (or at least, similar) grade on a second quiz when I've been reviewing those words over and over for the past three days. I told her I was having trouble understanding what she was saying and then spelling it and she just said, "you'll get it eventually", which, well, duh, but what about my grades until then? I'm beginning to hate her.

This is on top of the fact that I work full time this weekend, have tons of homework due Monday, have to forgo going to the bujinkan camp this weekend because I can't afford it due to my health insurance hike up, haven't had the time to do the phd place research I need to work on, and a million other little things that are going wrong and I don't have the time to fix.

I really want to just go home now, but I have Japanese later, and there better not be anything else happening today because I can't take any more. I wish I were at home where I could hug my Appa plushie and cry.

Comments

[jjhunter]

Thank you! This is wonderful. :o)

Re: 1. I'll do my best to get over it.

Re: 2. I want to learn how to roll! I just didn't get to do it my first class. Rolling is fun. It's right up there with running away. /silly

Seriously, I am looking forward to it. I'll feel much more comfortable when I have it down.

Re: 3, I have to stop closing my eyes when I visualize. I got called out on it at least three times!

Re: 4, once I realized how good my partner was at it, I didn't have any trouble committing myself to the attack. I just needed to watch my speed. When it's exciting, there's such a temptation to speed it up. Hm. I do have to stop apologizing and/or stopping when I do the move right & my partner gets 'realistically' thrown out into space. I know he's letting me do it, but I have this built-in check to my natural competitiveness where I really, really don't want to get too aggressive and hurt someone. Aggression is not what we're going for here, but following through with a move can feel a bit aggressive.

Tracking the punch...guilty! Back not straight...guilty! Occasional feet of clay...guilty as charged!

Re: five. I never thought of this, but it's a good, good idea.

I know I'm going to keep returning to this comment to reread what you've said here. Oh, this is all so awesome! I'm willing to go back to tutoring to pay for this.

[deralte.livejournal.com]

I think pretty much every woman, when they start training (including me) has that problem with not being aggressive enough. As women, we're encouraged to be demure and non-aggressive, so the idea that you have to attack people and follow through on attacks is a bit out of our experience (meanwhile, men have the opposite and are usually too aggressive when they start training).

Here's the thing though - you'll hurt people. They'll hurt you too. If a person hurts you too much, you tell them, and if you hurt them too much, as a good training partner, they should be telling you. This means unless it looks like they broke something, you ripped their skin open, or they look dazed and concussed, you don't need to ask if they're okay. They will tell you if you're hurting them, and if they don't admit to it for whatever reason (usually cause they're being macho) then it's not your problem.